if only i could text you this smell
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
