I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
