I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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