I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
