Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
