Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
