part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The air was thick with penises
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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