i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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