I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
