You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize