from now on my penis is your penis
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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