Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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