Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
