some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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