I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
