I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
