Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
