this boner is exhausting
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
