How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your cock deserves a montage
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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