i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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