Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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