Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
