I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
