I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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