I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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