i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize