I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
