If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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