Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
