So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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