And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
