Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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