My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
