so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Randomize
