he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
