It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
