You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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