Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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