i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
