and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
