woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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