oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Floor bacon is actually really good
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
