Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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