Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
