the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
