LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
