my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
