I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
