apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
