She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
