Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
