so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i out mim tonsoeep
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
