I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am available for nakedness
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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