You're so nebulous sometimes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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