it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
