pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
