Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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