Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
