So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
