i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
