Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
