that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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