You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
