New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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