woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I deserve this hangover.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
