You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
