she looked like the before picture.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A bitchslap is in order.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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