Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
