I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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