you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
