you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
