I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
