You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
